I actually wonder if there’s a person to trace the look back to

Not a person, exactly.

“I’m gonna give you somethin’ you can’t take off.”

donating over 6 billion dollars to fund investment accounts for at least 25 million children

$250 per child? Like, a week of daycare? Oh, investment accounts … so two weeks of daycare in twenty years. Unless it’s invested in AI, in which case zero weeks of daycare.

“It’s cool, we’re just here for the skittles. You can have all the reese’s peanut butter cups.”

Republicans really amped up the douchebaggery in the 1960s and they have only gotten progressively (pun intended) worse since then.

You’re describing The Daily Show (and its various offshoots) which, while wonderful, have not fixed the country for the last 30 years.

I have a feeling that’s how his oncologist treated him, too. “Well, you could just eat a lot of fruit instead.”

Some school districts will train you for the CDL, and some even pay you while you’re training (mine didn’t at the time). My training didn’t take very long because I already owned a used school bus and knew how to drive it, at least. You have to take four standardized tests (general CDL, airbrakes, passenger endorsement and school bus endorsement), have a driving exam, and take a 14-hour special school bus class (this is all in PA, at least). The standardized tests aren’t super-difficult, but you do have to actually know the shit, you can’t guess your way through it and hope to get a passing grade. I just crammed the free online tests over and over until I was getting 100% on them. I think it was maybe a month and a half between when I started my training and my first day on the job, but that was with not doing a whole lot each day. My district was (and still is) a weird combination of desperate need for drivers with a frustratingly slow pace of actually training people.

I have a class C. I wouldn’t bother with a class B unless I actually needed it.

“I wish I could lick my own balls like Bob can.”

One of the fraternities at my first college got kicked off campus because the frat brothers beat up a pledge and kicked him down the basement stairs where he broke his neck and died. His corpse wasn’t discovered until late the next day after a campus-wide search. No criminal charges resulted because the police couldn’t determine who had actually done it. The frat just moved to an off-campus house where their parties became even more popular because of the complete lack of oversight.

I was a programmer for 25-some years but I haven’t written a line of code since 2019. I now get my engineering jollies from the used school bus I converted to a motorhome and from the house I bought three years ago and am finishing up renovating. For money I drive a school bus, which pays about 1/6 of what I used to make but is infinitely more satisfying. As far as retirement goes, I’m hoping to die a painless death before AI replaces all the CDL jobs in the country. I think AI will work fine for school buses, mainly because kids are easier to replace the younger they are.

they found a guy who looks exactly like David Byrne

You may ask yourself
Why the big bomb?

It was sorta a military base. They did have POWs there.

Antz was the “copycat” movie that was rushed out to beat A Bug’s Life into the theaters. Back when animation studios even bothered with that shit.

“First rule of leadership, princess: everything is your fault!”

The middle school near my house is sort of like this, not truly parabolic but the side facing south has three highly reflective glass faces at slightly odd angles relative to each other, just a few degrees each. It is insane how much heat even this produces in the morning if you’re standing in the right place. In winter when we have snow, there’s always a nice green bare patch in this spot.

My mom didn’t trust the little lever thingie on her curling iron to hold it up off the bathroom sink properly. So she would rest it on a folded-up towel instead. And she would sometimes forget about it and leave it there on full heat. Somehow the house is still standing.

The house I bought three years ago has those fake wood gray planks in the living room. I deliberately left the floor uncovered during renovation on the assumption that it would be destroyed and I’d have to replace it with something I actually like. Unfortunately, that shit is indestructible.