Sophisticated!

Just follow up the sound with yelling “Holy fuck! What the fuck is THAT?” to make them feel on the edge.

Drain Addict?

If you’re genuinely trying to sway others to join you in your delusions by advocating they forego their empathic concerns for their animal and not take sensible, precautionary first steps of medical assessment to rule out that the animal suffers unnecessarily, you can piss right off.

What a piece of work.

It’s probably under the passenger seat.

This reads like a dystopian fever dream, fuck me.