whats your thought on open relationship? if both living in different states
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I am in one (I think… see below). We agreed to open the relationship, IDK, 7 years ago? Something like that. We’re both bi/pan, and sexuality- and kinkwise pretty incompatible. Neither of us was remotely willing to give up the relationship because of that though, because romantically and non-sexual-intimacy wise, the relationship is amazing. Oh god I love her so much.
Anyways, we decided to open the relationship with a couple ground rules:
- Always communicate. That includes informing the other person before one goes on a date, for example.
- Sex only. We aren’t poly, and are both not ok with the idea of romantic connections forming… Romantically monogamous, sexually open, I guess.
- Protection, duh.
She went on a couple of dates but didn’t actually end up sleeping with anyone, I slept with a couple of people. And… things were cool! It worked out for us. If anything, we grew even closer.
The reason I said above that I “think” we’re in an open relationship is simply because neither of us has taken advantage of the openness of the relationship in at least 3 years, lmao. And so if I would decide that I’d like to get active again in that regard, that would 100% be preceded with a “hey, are we still open? Are you still comfortable with that, or have your thoughts changed?” conversation.
so its nice?, can i ask one thing in chatbox
sure
is it ok to kiss and ask partner?
How do you mean?
Kiss someone else, then ask your partner?
Or are you asking how to approach the topic with your partner?
Bad idea
How its bad?
Relationships that start out open have a higher chance of success, but opening a previously closed one almost always ends in disaster. The thing is, neither of you will know how you’ll feel until after it’s too late. It’s not worth the risk, if you care about your relationship.
so according to you open relationship is always better than closed?
No, I’m one of those people this will never work with because I have 3 disabilities dealing with emotional regulation. I lose control of my reactions to stuff. Best not to play with fire there :)
sad what happened to you?
It seems like an exhaustingly complex set of boundaries to keep and tends to create winners and losers out of third parties if the boundaries are rigidly followed in most cases. I think being that secure is somewhat admirable, but it also seems like a devastating fall to make if things don’t work out. Different folks have different ways of doing things, I think it’s fine, just not for me personally and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the 3rd party to it either.
As long as both are consenting adults, whatever I think doesn’t matter.
Without a commitment of some kind, that’s not a romantic relationship. That’s a non-binding letter of intent for a friends-with-benefits situation at a TBD date some time in the future with caveats and escape clauses. It’s about as much of a relationship as mutual swiping on tinder.
so if both are in different city its not good?
It’s not about the location so much as the expectations and praticalities.
An ‘open relationship’ as a status requires a commitment from both people to maintain commitment to the relationship but allow casual sexual interactions outside of the relationship. That’s hard for a lot of, if not the large majority of, people, even when both people are in close proximity. If you take away the commitment element, it’s not a romantic relationship, it’s just casual or friend sex, which can be fine too, but has different expectations.
A traditional long-distance relationship also requires commitment. Ask anyone who has tried to have an LDR. It requires a HEAVY commitment, and a lot of every day effort to maintain the non-physical intimacy of the relationship over that distance. Are you ready to spend all day writing texts, call each other when you have a few moments at the same time just to hear each other’s voices, and spend all evening on the phone talking about the most pointless BS that happened that day just because you love hearing about each other’s BS? If you got the chance to go visit, but you were exhausted from working overtime and it would cost everything you got as extra from the overtime and then a bit more, would you drop everything just to go see them for one day? These commitments, if they are going to withstand the difficulties of life, are usually on the order of ‘we will be getting married or entering a solemnified union of some kind but circumstances outside of our control make that impossible for now.’ If either of the people aren’t ready to commit to that level of dedication and permanence, the relationship, while possibly previously good, is not likely to be able to withstand the strain of each person’s needs and desires being deferred by the practical realities, again and again and again. You have to ask yourselves, and each other, out loud, whether that level of commitment is there. If it’s not, it’s far healthier for everyone involved to say ‘This isn’t something to call a relationship. I won’t wait for you, and I don’t expect you to wait for me, but I’ll be super fucking happy to try again when we’re both living in the same place if we’re not monogamous with someone else.’So its good if both want open relationship?
It can technically be made to work, but it will be extremely hard. It’s combining two difficult to manage relationship dynamics into one VERY difficult one. Both people wanting an open relationship is only the bare minimum starting point. It takes a LOT more than that to even begin to make it work.
I’m polyamorous myself, I think it’s just important to clearly establish rules about it with the people you are dating. Personally, my only rule is that anyone already in the relationship needs to agree when adding a new person. If someone says no, then it’s no
if husband and wife both agree then its cool?
Basically yes, then if you want to add another person after, husband, wife, and the person that was added before need to agree to add the next person
like can we share one thing like me and my partner both live in other city, so actually in other city she hug one friend so she ask me
If they are only a friend and not actually part of the relationship, you just need consent of the people in the relationship. That’s what I do when flirting online with people, I have the consent of everyone in my relationship (only my bf for now)
So as long as she keeps you aware and that you say it’s fine, it’s perfectly ok in my opinion
so she can keep that relationship?
If you are ok with it, yes
can i share detail in message?
I’m newly poly and my wife and girlfriend both live in town, but it’s really fulfilling for all of us
How you adjust?
It’s been a long road but when I met GF I knew I wanted to date her and that I didn’t want to cheat. She is happily married and was already poly so I talked to my wife about it. It was suuuuper weird at first, but now we’re all friends. The most important thing about being poly- what makes it poly instead of just cheating- is openness and honesty. Just be honest and everything will work out for you.
so if like my wife ask that poly with her senior so its good?
Ok so to be poly everyone involved has to be good with it, and if you’re not comfortable then it’s not poly; it’s cheating. My wife wasn’t comfortable at first so we talked about it and now she is, but it’s definitely not for everyone. The mononormative worldview in our society is DEEPLY ingrained. For the people in my polycule it’s healthy and good for us, and all four of us have a good relationship with each other.
hey can i share thing on here?
Yeah totally
yes now we comforatbale so its good if we all in one place?
I’d say so
Not getting
